I don't know what's happening to my body anymore. The more I push myself and the harder I try, the more I feel stuck. I no longer have any faith in my doctors. It's not all their fault though, I was never good about keeping up with their orders. I never liked being on meds but I thought I didn't have a choice. I cut the list of medications the doctors wanted me to take very short. Its like they were causing more harm than good. Prednisone for starters is the only pill that helps the most yet causes the most damaging side effects. As soon as I miss a dose I become stiff as a board. Celcept is no better. Its supposed to help my lungs and skin but 1000mg is more than my tummy can handle. The fentanyl patch is just a bad joke. It hardly takes the pain away and stops me up.
Earlier this week I started feeling sicker than usual. I couldn't hold my food down and would end up vomiting whatever meds I took. I also either hit or put too much pressure on my right leg. So here I am now in the ICU at Cristus Santa Rosa. I've been x-rayed, sampled, poked, prodded and jacked in. They've been very diligent in getting to the bottom of my infection. They even put a big needle in the side of my neck so a machine can put more medicine to raise my blood pressure. The nurses are doing a great job of taking care of me. My momma and sweet Pwince have been by my side through it all. God has been faithful as always! I am so blessed by the people He sends to minister to and pray for me! I know He will get me through this storm. I just have to keep remembering through the storm...
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