Dream of Oppression and Hope

I had a dream the other night that the world was under complete oppression, almost prison state. We were told what to eat, what to wear, when to shower and we had no belongings of our own. I was digging holes in the ground trying to hide toys and different things because we couldn't keep them. Triple H (yes the wrestler ^^) caught me trying to hide some wooden blocks i found. The other people around me he had shot. He sent me to a place full of skeletons with rotting flesh. I saw faces of agony on them. I could hear people crying and wanting out of their miseries. I was overcome with a boldness i never knew i had. As if it was from a time long ago. It all came rushing back to me. This is all temporary i said. God is still with us. He is eternal and He does not change. Jesus Christ is true freedom! They can destroy our bodies but not our spirit! After i spoke there was a quiet overwhelming peace. I woke up...

Healing Process

I went to my routine visit with the rheumatologist today and received lots of information about myself.  I learned that the reason why I have premature menopause is because of the chemotherapy I went through over 5 years ago. For a long time I thought of all sorts of reasons why I can't have a baby. I even let myself believe the lie that there is something wrong with me or that I don't deserve to have children. The doctor said there were no regrets about putting me on Cytoxan because of the positive effects it has had on my body. She even said that I am doing really well for having Scleroderma and my case was in a league of its own. Of course, there is another BIG factor at play! The doctor mentioned that other cases didn't do well at all with all sorts of different treatments. All I could tell them was that I had a lot of help. I almost felt bad because I only said that my faith was what got me through such a trying time when this disease was at its worst in me. I should have just came right out and said it: without God I would NOT have made it through those painful years! Instead I said it was MY faith. Then it came to mind what Jesus said every time He healed someone:

He said to her, "Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace and be freed from your suffering."  I know in my heart those doctors knew where my "help" comes from so I don't have to feel guilty about not speaking His Name. Still, I must share it with everyone else. JESUS HEALS! Sure I could believe that the Cytoxan did its job but at what cost? I don't deny that it was a tool that was used but all GLORY, HONOR AND PRAISE goes to my HEAVENLY FATHER! He has been so good to me and has been carrying me through so much.  My  life has been changing so drastically, especially in the past 10 years. I CANNOT deny Him or what He is doing. Remembering all this just keeps my faith growing even stronger. The doctor said right now my body is doing better but it could change in the future since it is a chronic disease. God says He satisfies my desires and renews my youth like the eagles. My desire is to have a child and however it happens I know my faith partnered with GOD'S GRACE will work it all out. I am not going to be fearful about my future health status because no matter what changes, on CHRIST THE SOLID ROCK I will stand! THANK YOU FATHER! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU!